Blooming Where You Are: Embracing Identity, Home, Connection, Roots as an Expat Mum in Hong Kong
Summary
Closing the chapter on 2025 and stepping into a new year offers us an opportunity for intentional reflection as we explore our identity, roots, connection, and create a “home” as an expat mum and family.
The pace of life in Hong Kong can be fast, loud, and full, and thus, not always felt or fully lived. Drawing from my experience as a Hong Kong expat mum and therapist supporting expat mums in Hong Kong, I’ve learned that while we gain wisdom from experiences, true growth stems from being intentional and reflective about our experiences.
From Connection to Blooming
While I set myself goals each year, in line with my values, I usually set a theme guided by a “word” to guide me through the year. When I set foot into 2025, my word of the year was “connection.”. I wanted to connect more deeply with my family, with Hong Kong, and most of all, with myself.
But, over the last week (my favourite week of the year, the “week in between (Christmas and New Year” where time stands still), as the year unfolded and I took time to intentionally reflect—through journaling, therapy conversations, and quiet pauses—it became clear that something else had happened: I had bloomed. But what precedes blooming? Just like a plant flourishes only with strong roots, our personal development thrives when we establish a solid foundation in our lives. It was the first year where I started planting roots, right where I was. Yes, it has taken me 15 long years in Hong Kong.
While I have always appreciated the city’s many (vertical) layers, its dynamic pace, pulsating with life, characterised by the juxtaposition of the historical and the modern, the essence of “East meets West” as you walk down street markets bustling with both traditional crafts and contemporary stores. Despite these unique features, I often felt like an outsider, living with “one foot out of the door,” hesitant to call this vibrant city my home.
For me, Hong Kong is significant; it’s where I built a relationship with my husband David, welcomed our precious children into the world, developed many wonderful friendships, and was the base from which I explored many interesting destinations. Yet, the deeper challenge lay in confronting the feeling that I had not fully rooted myself here. However, 2025 ushered in a realisation: “Home really is wherever you are.”
Home Is Where You Are: Finding Your Sense of Self
Looking back on 2025, I came to realise that my blooming depended on a brave, gentle decision: to allow myself to plant roots here, without abandoning my dream of (re)planting in Australia one day.
I realised that roots do not chain you; they steady you.
Planting Roots as an Expat Mum in Hong Kong
They offer you enough belonging and emotional safety to grow, explore, and become. One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned in my journey is how crucial it is to establish a sense of self. Home should be a state of mind, not just a physical place. As expat mothers, it’s essential to cultivate a sense of belonging, regardless of our physical location, and despite the many conflicts we feel internally leaving “home” (whatever that means for you).
Reflecting on our experiences allows us to uncover what truly matters to us. Who are we beyond the frameworks of our roles as mothers, partners, and expats? Recognising that home is about connection—whether with family, friends, or oneself—enables us to nurture our emotional wellbeing.
Home began to feel like:
- The way I spoke to myself on difficult days.
- The rituals my family and I created in our small corner of this big city.
- The sense of inner safety I cultivated, even when everything outside felt uncertain or fast
- The deep, authentic conversations that I had with people I truly connected with
- The places I sought out (often on green trails overlooking the beautiful South China Sea) which offered me a sense of peace
“Home is wherever you are” became real when I started allowing my full self to show up here.
Instead of waiting for the “next place” to relax, belong, or commit, I let myself belong to the life I am already living.
Exploring your Values and Identity
One of the most powerful shifts in my mental health as an expat mum came from becoming crystal clear about my values. Values are like a lighthouse: fixed, steady, and non‑negotiable, even when the waves of expat life crash hard. They are not trends or goals; they are the deep truths you want to live by, no matter where you are planted.
For me, some of those values are:
- Dedicated solo time in prayer, movement and presence before my household wakes up
- Connection and Presence (not perfection) with my family
- Authenticity in my relationships
- Compassion—for myself first, and then for others
- Simplicity and depth, even in a high‑achieving city
When my values became clearer, my choices became quieter and simpler. I found myself asking, “Does this align with my lighthouse?” instead of “Is everyone else doing this?”
Values help you:
- Say yes to what nourishes you and no to what depletes you.
- Hold your ground when cultural expectations clash.
- Parent in a way that feels true to your heart, rather than just copying what others are doing.
Your values are not dependent on geography. Whether you are in Hong Kong, Melbourne, London, or somewhere in between, your values come with you. They are the roots you can always rely on.
Setting Your Own Pace of Life
In our hustle-driven city, it’s easy to fall into the trap of keeping up with everyone around us. The MTR moves fast, decisions move fast, and sometimes it feels like everyone else is sprinting—socially, professionally, academically. You can start to feel that if you slow down, you will somehow “fall behind”.
Setting your own pace means:
- Saying no to activities, invitations, or expectations that leave you stretched and resentful.
- Giving yourself permission to have “empty” afternoons (aka, “white space” in your family calendars),
- Enjoying slow weekends, or simple rituals to foster connection as a family and community
- Recognising that rest is not laziness; it is necessary soil for emotional wellbeing.
Adopting a pace that is in line with our values, allows us to create space to feel, to process, and to enjoy the life you are actually living; rather than simply enduring it.
Seeking Places That Spark Joy
Life in Hong Kong can be stimulating, but it also holds such unexpected pockets of beauty and calm. Part of planting roots here has meant actively seeking the places where I feel most alive, grounded, and joyful. Those places have become like emotional anchors.
Maybe, for you, it is:
- Walking Bowen Road, the Old Peak trail or Violet Hill, letting the green canopy soften the noise in your mind.
- Sitting on the sand at South Bay, Repulse Bay, Pui O, or Discovery Bay, watching your children play while waves roll in.
- Strolling through the weaving streets of Stanley Markets and enjoying the glistening waters on the promenade.
These are not just pretty backdrops; they are nervous-system-regulating spaces. They give your body evidence that you are safe, held, and allowed to breathe. When you repeatedly return to places that spark joy and aliveness, you are quietly telling yourself: “I am allowed to feel good here. I am allowed to belong here.”
Finding Your People and Community
One of the most tender parts of expat life is the revolving door of relationships. People arrive, bond deeply, and then leave. As an expat mum, it can feel easier to protect yourself by keeping your heart a little distant.
But blooming requires connection, even in a transient city. For me, finding “my people” has looked like:
- Choosing depth over quantity—allowing a few relationships to become real, vulnerable, and honest.
- Letting myself be seen in my mess, not just my highlights.
- Trusting that when I live in alignment with my values, the right people slowly, steadily find their way into my life.
While it is important to say yes to people and events that align with your values, I have come to realise that you do not need to chase friendships. You show up as your authentic self—at school gates, playgroups, coffee shops, church, hiking groups, book clubs—and trust that over time, your people notice you. The more rooted you are in who you are, the more naturally the right connections grow around you.
Bloom Where You Are Planted
As 2025 comes to a close, it’s important to embrace the idea that blooming where you are planted requires intentionality, self-reflection, and the courage to create a home wherever life takes you.
2025 became the year I truly realised that “home is wherever you are”—not as a catchy phrase, but as a lived reality.
I stopped punishing myself for having roots in multiple places, allowing Hong Kong to be both a temporary chapter and a real home. I let myself bloom here, without waiting for the “perfect” time or the “final” destination.
Blooming where you are planted does not mean giving up my dream of (re)planting roots at “home” (wherever that might be). It means:
- Letting yourself live fully, right now.
- Allowing roots of connection, meaning, and presence to sink into the soil beneath your feet today.
- Trusting that the skills, resilience, and self-knowledge you grow here will travel with you wherever you go next.
Home is where you are. You are allowed to plant roots wherever you are—on Hong Kong’s steep hills, in an Australian coastal town, or anywhere in between.
The world needs to see your unique bloom in this exact season of life, not a future one you are still imagining.
Home is not just a place; it’s a feeling. With each moment of connection you nurture, each value you uphold, and every joyful experience you seek, you’re planting roots that foster growth and strength. Embrace the path that unfolds and know that you have the power to shape your life and cultivate a sense of home, wherever that may be.
For me, a few “anchors” that sustained me during these years of “becoming” include, faith, family, friendships (community) and fun (doing things I enjoy or that I know are good for me…
I close with Jeremiah 29: 5-7; 11:
Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7 Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Written by Lisel Varley
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