Stillness, Silence, and Solitude for Mental Health of Hong Kong Expat Mums
Summary
“We are solitary. We can delude ourselves about this and act as if it were not true “, wrote Rilke, boldly, I may add. I forgive you if you decide to stop reading from this point on.
Being alone is terribly uncomfortable. How often do we do everything in our power to avoid the state of being alone. How often do we associate being alone with unpopularity and rejection? Many of us are scared of the very thought of being alone, so much so that we cram our days with social engagements, entertainment, projects, a general sense of “busyness”, anything offering us an escape from being left alone with oneself. Quite often mistaking being alone with loneliness.
Will you take a few minutes to reflect with me?
The digital “era” we now live in, renders any disconnection from external stimulus pretty difficult. Our digital companions ensure that any room for reflective thought, or in fact, any mindless thought is quickly filled up with sounds of podcasts, reels, videos, and so much more. Information is power, but what is the price of information overload, the saturation of our brains with all this content, while not allowing ourselves the space to sit back and sieve through it all?
Daydreaming has become a lost art…
When was the last time you daydreamed?
Even daydreaming demands more of us than being in information overdrive. Yes! Daydreaming jump starts your inner creative process and demands you to plant the seeds of the blooms you wish to see. Cramming in every window of our days running tight schedules, filled with unnecessary errands, compulsive tasks, mindless infotainment, has led us to silence our creative life forces…
Being alone is not the same as being lonely…
Solitude doesn’t imply loneliness…
How utterly misguided it is to think of solitude as loneliness. Being alone, choosing to prioritise time with yourself, your wildly magnificent, intricate self, your whole self, is a luxury you ought to give yourself mama. In a role which requires us to wear a variety of hats: mum, partner, daughter, sister, friend, volunteer, employee, boss, teacher… and so on, each with its unique nuances, how can we meaningfully connect to anyone, without deliberately connecting to yourself dear Mama? Lindbergh compares our role as mothers to the centre of a wheel, from which spokes extend. The wheel can only move forward with a steady, grounded centre. In our world that means a deep, secure, authentic connection to ourselves. Our very core. Our ability to form meaningful connections and keep the wheels of our lives turning..
Will you take a few minutes to reflect with me?
- How can I prioritise a small window of quiet time – DAILY? Is waking up before the household realistic, or is the end of day more practical? What about ten quiet minutes spent in your car before school pick up spent focusing on your breath? – Remember, this is not your time to run admin, work through your to do list, or listen to a podcast. This is quiet, YOU time, you reflect and listen to your thoughts.. The whispers of YOUR heart, quietening external noise…
- How can I do this on weekends? Despite and in the midst of family time and sporting schedules? Perhaps being intentional about some time in nature?
- How can I be intentional about protecting this sacred space and time?
My Love Letter to you Mama…
And here’s the thing Mama, to truly connect with ourselves, we needs to offer ourselves the space to go inwards. To really tune in to the whispers of our own hearts.. To really allow space to listen. It is only solitude that will truly offer us the space to do that. Anne Morrow Lindebergh in her book “Gift of the Sea” profoundly wrote…
“Every person, especially every woman, should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day”
Make that time Mama. It might seem impossible, but you will be grateful that you have tried. Our journal Raising Me to Raise You has been curated to offer you your daily portable sanctuary, your quiet time.
Written by Lisel Varley
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